hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
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Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
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looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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