I bet he comes in French.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Semen is not good for contacts.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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