Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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