oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
