ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
