you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
