I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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