I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
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I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
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My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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