Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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