I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
