I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
