Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
