Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
