Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
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Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
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You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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