I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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