i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
