The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
