When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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