I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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