Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
