Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
