Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
