Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
