I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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