No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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