Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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