By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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