Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
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I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
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This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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