Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Four minutes until I can fart!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
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