He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
