my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
