so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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