she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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