you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
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I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
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i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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