Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
