he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
