His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
