dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
