i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
