Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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