My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
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At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
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THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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