8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
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Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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