Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
