Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
home. puking in laundry basket.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
