He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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