I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize