you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
