if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
