I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
