Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
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She bit a glass in half.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
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At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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