I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize