Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
