Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
