I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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