Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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