You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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