I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
