And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
