I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Randomize
