My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
