i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
