do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
